Hi, How are you?

  Hi, how are you?

  How have you been for the past 6 months?

  How are you.

   It has been 6 months since we last kissed. How are you doing, my dear old friend? Are you taking care yourself well? These 6 months have been a roller coaster ride for me personally, I tried to hide from you, our memories. I joined Student Representative Council which turned out to be the right choice, stuffed myself with tons of activities and event to take care off. Went to several places meeting new people, seeing the actual society for once. I am getting out of my comfort zone to live a unique and memorable life. Hiding away from the despair I felt the moment you left.

  But now, at this moment as I am typing this sentimental essay. I had made my choice, not to stay in the same spot waiting for you. I am not going to look backward, the only direction I am going is FORWARD. I realized that the world has much more to offer to me than you. I deserve to embrace the nature, what the world can offer. Am I up for the challenge? Absolutely, for this time I am sure I can toss out the last piece of memory I had with you. The torn apart photograph that I kept under my cabinet. The last piece of physical evidence that could prove to others that we were once in love, will vanish from the surface of the earth.

  Good lucky my friend on your lone journey to happiness, As I will too write my own perfect story.


                                                                                                                                             11-July-2017

I Hope

 

Love is such a weird feeling... From the start, you fell in love with a person so much. So much that you could barely breathe with all the butterflies floating inside of your stomach every time you are around them. Then, things may turn our differently for all the doves in the middle stage of a relationship, some may quarrel, some may gone dull, even worse some do not even love each other anymore but insisted to hide their real feeling.

     Inevitable, a choice must be made in the end. Both must choose to continue this journey onward or go separate way. As for my journey.... It turned out real disgusting. I chosen to abandon this journey as she has chosen the same path too. I decided to hated her with my whole heart, telling people how pity I was. But in reality, it was me who created this chaotic finale. As time flies by, my hate towards her took a wheel and I was actually missing her like a maniac. I love her up until this point, I love her immensely! 

    I sincerely hope... In the next eternity I can love you more as a better man.

Imperfection

    

   I was a perfectionist until I realized nothing is perfect.

  I used to strive for perfection, because my motivation and energy relies on peoples' need. Making sure things and situations are always in check and under my control pleases me, the feel of satisfaction surges the energy into my body. 

 But as I grow older and wiser living in this society, I finally get the big picture... You can't please everyone no matter how hard you tried. Soon I came to realization to stop pleasing everyone and just entertain my loves one because they would do the same to me too.

 Months ago I was dazzled by this woman, she is charming, sociable, beautiful, caring and on and on. There is so many ways of describing her that I lost count. Let's just cut the long story short, we are together now, as a couple. As we get along our journey I learned that relationship is not that simple, it is a hard lesson to learn. Arguments become frequent, we started to realize each others' imperfections. Our ego grew bigger, our words became obscene, our actions became little. Me, a perfectionist couldn't get things under control and let my emotion took control of me, isn't it irony? 

 Finally I get the idea of a loving relationship, I believe one must truly accept the other's imperfection to avoid unnecessary arguments. One must be able to control their emotion during hectic moments to settle a fight. One must be able to truly trust his/her partner to not hurt each other's feeling. One must stand in the others shoe to comprehend their situation. Finally as I mentioned on my first post in this blog, one must be rationalized to give each other space to get their head around and air to breathe.

Memories

    Memories... Isn't it beautiful yet ugly? Human are unique, we were born with an unexplainable human brain that allows us to think, dream , love, and stores memories deep beneath our soul.

  "It was words that I fell for.

In the end, it was words

that broke my heart."

-Lang Leav, Memories

  After all, memories that exists deep within us are nothing more than an echo... An event that happened from another time, another place. There is nothing we can do about it, We live by our own rules yet we are not the ruler, no one is. 

  As I had grown older, I had realized that time is everything. Time is what define who we are in the future and memories were merely what we did in the present time and became a past tense.

  It was time that created memories,

  It was the beginning of a conversation that made us.

  It was time that killed me.

  It was me that destroyed us...

Life is tough , Thank You.

 Life had been tough for the past few weeks.... Financially and also love both can kills you slowly if you let it be. College life requires a huge expense, with the hostel fees and daily expense including foods, entertainment and transportation. You really can’t live without at least RM 450 a month in college, Friends will be inviting you to fancy restaurant, wasting countless hours gaming together and spending money on useless beverage like Starbucks or ChatTime just for that short period of enjoyment, Materialism at its finest.

  

 To be honest, I am not the right person to be whining about these, I can change how I spend my money. I can save money and make money but instead I am writing this awful post. My parents they suffer the most for me. At their current age now, they shouldn’t be working every weekday. They should have retired. Because of me recently enrolled into a college. They must and have to work to help me “survives” through college.

 A word to myself, stop wasting money buying stuffs that you wouldn’t need and eating luxury foods that you couldn’t afford to pay right now. Be realistic to yourself and be humble, Materialism shouldn’t get into your head.

 Thanks to anyone who is reading this, a very sincere thank you to my parents who shown countless support and love.

I'm glad I did.

  College life so far is fantastic! The numerous type of people you would met in campus are so drastic that you could lost track ! But also the countless tiring night... Almost everyday was an excited yet exhausting day because the campus is so huge it takes you thousand steps to reach your classroom or lecture hall.

  Well this post isn't about my college life, This post is dedicated to myself more of. "I'm glad I did" There are a lot of stuffs I wish I had do but instead I missed the opportunity to do so. But there are also things that I'm glad that I did. Recently a woman "sorta" thanked me for helping her get out of her dark void ( sad and horrific life ) . I was so happy when I saw that post... I don't know why , but I just seem to like to see my surrounding friends, family and also my future partner smiles or feel happy because of my help. I really do like the center of attention...





Ciao,
Jeff.

Read This

 Hey you, Yeah you. My one and only you. The only you I had a relationship with so far, even though it's a premature relationship. Who gives a damn huh? It was fun while it lasted. I learnt a lot from those short memories. Ah them memories are just wonderful wasn't it? I really do hope you are reading this !

  Hi M! You look much prettier than before and also more elegant than before if that makes sense. What have you been doing and How are you recently? Heard you found a "boyfriend". She seems to treat you very well! Also, I heard you been doing much better now I hope I contributed in making you a better person now. You studying LK now huh? I still remember you told me how much you wish you could get Biology ( Pure Science ) . LK ain't that bad right? Maybe for you that is.

 Well in case you are wondering what I been up to ( full of myself as usual ) . Getting ready to enter college soon, huge campus located in KL. Studying Diploma in BIS now , trying for Degree if possible. Should take me 5 year if aiming for Degree and 2 Year if only Diploma.

 8 Month had passed since the last time we spoke/typed to each other, a lot of things had changed. I wish we could catchup someday, Sit down talk about life for a little. Maybe just maybe you would read this and it could happen!

Well I don't have an ending for this post , so I would just sign off with a Bye. @mis

Depression

I am currently 17,waiting for results to enroll into a college.I am living in a country in the South-East Asia.My family isn't wealthy and both of my parents are old like near their 60s.Starting from last year I felt depressed,guilty,angry with myself and also disappointed with myself.

The main reason why I felt depressed are because I can't repay my parents. They spent so much time,energy,resources, and also their hard work to make sure I grow up to become a successful man and more importantly a GOOD man. I did a lot of things to "hide" the fact that I did not repay my parents. I did chores ( mostly ) , spend time with my family by taking less time sitting in front of the computer and try to make my parents laugh with my awful jokes. But , doing all those doesn't seems to help my case. I still felt depressed and angry with myself.

Two month ago , I get my driving license which took a horribly long time and money. ( getting license in my country is expensive as F ) . Well so yesterday I decided to go out with my best friends and watch movies , and I needed a transport so I borrowed my mom's car. The road trip was all fine until when I was inside the parking garage, I saw a spot a tight one I and decided to squish in and guess what? the right side of my car completely kissed the pillar when I went in and left a huge scratch on the door just if I drove down another basement where there are shit ton of empty parking.After that, I felt even shittier about myself because my parents had to spend more money to repair the car and do the polishing.

All in all, I just feel like I owe a huge chuck of debt to my parents and I really do hope one day I will be fking motivated , study hard , get a diploma or degree , get out earn big cash and repay the shit out of my parents...